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10/18/2010: "Driving"
"It is good to always take life with a grain of salt…. plus a slice of lemon, and a
shot of tequila." anonymous
I did not want to come home after work the other day. I wanted to drive and keep driving until I ran out of gas or time or road or reasons. I wanted……
Get tired these days. That piece of my self, my art, feels so very far away. I am changing, evolving. Forced by circumstance to learn to be part of a societal culture I never wanted to know existed. There are forces beyond my control at work and I can do nothing but allow this assimilation. The real me, the person I once knew, lies dormant in a state of suspended anticipation, in a quiet place inside of my soul….as if it was memory I cannot allow to depart. Feeling at times I am on the right track and then loosing track of what is real and what is contrived illusion to fit the current scenario. Like a bad Stephan King movie without an ending.
I want to be that painter again, but that energy force is being applied in another direction. I know too well that the universe never gives you what you want but always what you need, when you need it, to hopefully use wisely. You are indeed always right where you need to be at any given moment in time. But the days fall into one another, time looses meaning.
Where did spring and summer go? It was lost in the madness of rushed construction; to get this house finished, to put it on the market. The work we have done on my brother-in-laws house, that might have been ours had intended situations come to pass, it’s a testament to the year. We might get back what we put into it, money, time and talent; then again, we might get nothing except a few more calluses and a memory.
We will return to New Mexico. This is why nothing ever really got unpacked, why we lived out of a box for the past year and a half. The house that would not sell, the studio that waits to be filled again with my energy, the grandfathers whispering that Rincón Studios was built for a reason and there is work yet to be accomplished.
I am patient to wait with anticipation, a bit of trepidation and a positive outlook as that inevitable day approaches in its own time and the universe guides me further along this life path.
One step, one day, driving one mile at a time with a smile, with a sigh, with eyes wide open and an occasional margarita.
Replies: 12 Comments
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on Friday, October 22nd, personal statement said
Keep driving when bored. Just don't drink while driving and don't drive when drunk.
personal statement
