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12/15/2008: "The Four Letter "T" Word" by Ellen Fisch
I grew up in an age that eschewed four letter words as "dirty" or uncivilized. All that has changed: just tune into any prime time TV show and there are bound to be several words casually spoken that would have gotten me and my peers expelled from school. However those are not the most dreadful words of all. In fact, the more a blasphemous word is used, the less shocking and more mainstream it becomes. Think of how ordinary or even welcomed an explicative is in a friendly greeting, an advertisement or a song. However, there is one four letter word that has the worst connotation of all. The four letter word to which I am referring is "time." Time is my nemesis, my enemy and the word that can intimidate me like no other.
Who would not give up millions for time? Recently the MegaLotto in New York was $86 million. Had I won, I would have gladly traded all the lovely cash for a mere two more hours in each day. I can fantasize about millions and paying off my bills, buying necessities (a new lens or some good new brushes) or luxuries (a new camera and all the gadgets that go with), upgrading my equipment and fixing my house, but I space out at the thought of more time. Imagine!!
How would it be if I could go into my studio and actually have the time to work on a painting or a photograph without time constraints? I'm not thinking about commissioned work or art that requires deadlines. Actually, I find that time driven projects drive me also-- in a positive way: less time/ more energy expended. These types of time issues cause me to focus and stretch all my abilities towards a specific date on the calendar. However, wouldn't it be wonderful to develop my own work without stressing about having time for everyday chores that are necessary to live? Obviously I don't mean (in my case) cleaning my house, cooking or doing the laundry. I mean those intrusive time wasters like making a living outside of my own art: whether it be teaching a class, office work, commercial art involvement aside from my personal projects and so on. Then there are family and friends to consider...
Time for family and friends is a serious issue for the artist who cannot say, "Look, I work at an office all week. Let's get together on the week-ends or after work." For me, as an artist, there are no week-ends, no after work, no free time unless I create it. Therefore, just when my starting time is over and I'm really ready to dig into my painting, it's time for dinner with those close to me. A hard call sometimes to say, "I won't be joining you because I have to finish my work."
"What work? Did you get a job?"
"No, my painting."
"Working on a cash commission?"
"No."
"Oh, that work. You can finish it any time. We want to SEE YOU!"
Of course I want to spend time with loved ones. Who does not? But while I'm dining with them or driving to and from the visit or having a chat on the phone, part of me feels frustrated at taking time away from my "work:" my art. I feel guilty either way. If I go, I'm shorting myself. If I work on my art and do not spend time with people near and dear to me, I feel selfish, isolated and cannot seem to work well. Yes, I've read all the articles on priorities, but that's how it is for me: damned if I do/ damned if I don't. Fortunately, my family and friends have been understanding and stuck by me even if they don't always see me.
Periodically I ask people what their most valuable resource is. They answer: love, health, family. I inquire about "time." They stop to think, to reconsider. Time IS the most valuable resource for without it what do you have? It is also, paradoxically, the most terrible and wonderful word I know.
